Matters of Blood and Connection
by FringeScience23
Summary: I know darling, I miss him too." Vala helps Sam through a rough time. CHARACTER DEATH - you have been warned. Sam/Vala mild femslash.


_A/N- This was written as a response to the prompt 'hold'. I'm currently completing a list of 64 prompts over at LJ. This one stuck out for me, I don't really know why. My first Sam/Vala fic :] Please be nice, I'm kinda new to this femslash thing :].  
WARNING: character death - you have been warned._

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**Matters of Blood and Connection**

Sam lay curled up on her side, hugging her knees up to her chest in a futile attempt to bring herself some sort of comfort. She couldn't get his face out of her head. His pale, lifeless face; splattered with bright red blood. The sickly crimson had been a stark contrast to the whiteness of his skin.

It had been less than 24 hours since Daniel Jackson had died and almost everybody seemed to be moving on already. Of course, the SCG had to keep running, but this was Daniel Jackson for God's sake.

Teal'c had been locked in his quarters for most of the night. He didn't need to Kel'No'Reem anymore, but Sam suspected that it was the only way he could think of to deal with the situation. He hadn't said a word since he'd carried Daniel's broken body back through the gate.

Cameron had taken off soon after the debrief. There had been anger ablaze in his eyes, absolute fury and Sam had never seen that in him before.

Jack had come down from Washington as soon as he had heard, but Sam had pushed him away. Seeing the General with tears in his eyes for his lost friend had been too painful for her to bear.

_Why Daniel?,_ Sam thought bitterly as she wrapped her arms tighter around herself, trying to stop herself from shaking.

_Why not me?_

After all it had been Sam who had done the preliminary scan of the planet. It was hergiven Daniel the go ahead to go and explore the ruins. If only she'd responded to his distress call a few seconds earlier, if she'd run a little faster.

_It was my fault,_ Sam thought, a sharp pang of guilt cutting through her.

The events of yesterday were running through her head like a horror movie on repeat.

~_The three pirates had Daniel surrounded by the ruins. He was trying to negotiate from what Sam heard. She hesitated, for one second, as she considered letting Daniel talk, but Cam came running up behind her. _

_One of the pirates turned at the noise and took aim at Cam. Sam unloaded 3 bullets into one of the men and 2 into another before she realised that Daniel was down._

_Cam fired a shot into the head of man closest to Daniel and his blood sprayed out in a gory arch, covering the carved wall of the ruin and raining down onto Daniel's lifeless body._

"_Daniel!" Sam shouted, running over to her fallen friend. In the commotion, Daniel had taken multiple bullets to his upper body. The ground beneath him turned a muddy red as his seeping blood mix with the soil._

_She pressed her hands onto his chest, applying pressure in a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding. Her hands werent big enough to cover each wound. She barely registered Cam feeling for a pulse on Daniel's neck and starting CPR as he realised there wasn't one._

_She pushed harder down onto the wounds as Cam pumped at Daniel's chest, seemingly achieving nothing more than a faster rate of bleeding. She heard the heavy footsteps and laboured breathing of Teal'c and Vala as they arrived at the scene. They had been surveying an area two miles to the west._

"_He's gone Sam," she heard Cam say, as he gave up on the chest compressions. "Carter," he said gently, when she didn't take her hands away from Daniel's body._

"_MajorCarter," she heard a familiar deep voice from behind her, and Teal'c's strong arms took hold of her wrists, gently pulling her up._

_Sam looked around, the shock rendering her numb as she tried to process what had just happened. The bodies of the three pirates lay limp just like Daniel. Cam had his head in his hands. Teal'c had knelt down next to Daniel, with his hand on his forehead, whispering something quietly. Vala was glued to the spot, her mouth open in an awful expression of shock and grief._

_Daniel's blood was all over her hands. She tried furiously to wipe it off on her pant legs but all she managed to do was spread the sticky red liquid around even more. All she wanted to to was get it off.~_

Everything after that was a blur to Sam. She didn't remember the journey back to the gate, and only remembered minimal details of the debriefing and the post-mission medical. The next thing she properly remembered was an insistent knocking on her bathroom door. Whoever was knocking had managed to get into her quarters. She had suspected it was Jack, and called weakly from her spot in the bottom of the shower stall for him to go away.

The knocking had stopped, and Sam allowed her attention to return to the scrubbing of her hands and arms. Daniel's blood had long since been washed down the drain, but Sam had not been able to get the image of it out of her mind.

The soft click of the bathroom lock made her look up accusingly at the intruder who dared to invade her personal space. She had been ready to yell at Jack to get out, that she was in the shower and he had no right to be there.

But as the door opened, she had been surprised to see not the General standing there, but Vala. The brunette's brows had knitted together in an expression of concern as she'd looked at Sam.

"Samantha," she'd said, her voice hoarse and slightly unfamiliar, "You have to stop now," she'd instructed, reaching in and switching off the shower before taking the washcloth out of Sam's hands.

In any other siltation, Sam would have been livid at Vala's intrusion, maybe even embarrassed at the fact that she was completely naked, but she just hadn't cared. She'd allowed herself to be manoeuvred into a standing position as Vala wrapped a towel around her.

And now she was lying on her bed, wearing nothing but that towel as Vala rooted through the drawers finding something for Sam to sleep in. Sam found it hard to get her head around why Vala was doing this for her, why she even cared at all. Sam had seen the look on Vala's face as Daniel had died, and she didn't know how the brunette could even stand to be near her.

"Come on," Vala said gently, sitting down next to Sam, "You're freezing. Let's get you dressed."

Sam sighed and thought of the last time Vala had been on this bed. Not even a week ago the brunette had been underneath her, her long fingers curling in Sam's hair as the blonde had brought her to shattering orgasm with her tongue. It had been the first time they had had sex. If Vala was here for her now because she though she owed her something, Sam was ready to protest. No one owed her anything anymore.

"Vala," Sam started, her voice so uncharacteristically shaky the blonde almost didn't realise it as her own.

Vala gently pressed a finger to Sam's lips, "I don't want to hear it Sam. Not now." the brunette spoke softly.

Wordlessly, Sam allowed herself to be pulled up into a sitting position and despite minimal cooperation from the blonde, Vala managed to get her dressed in a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. When she had finished, Vala knelt down in front of Sam and gently took hold of her hands.

The brunette turned Sam's delicate hands in her palms and sighed at the scratched and scoured skin she found there. Gently, Vala pressed a kiss to the back of each of Sam's hands before she looked up and found the blondes eyes.

The guilt and pain swimming there was almost too much for Vala to bear, and the carefully crafted safety net that was holding her own emotions back threatened to break. Vala reached up and tucked a damp lock of hair behind Sam's ear.

"This was not your fault," Vala told her quietly, the earnest in her voice not lost on Sam as she swallowed the lump forming in her throat.

For the first time since Daniel had died, Sam felt tears pricking at her eyes, and she shook her head at Vala's words.

"If I had just been a-a bit faster-"

"Sam..." Vala cut in, lacing her fingers with the blondes, mindful of the scratches on the once soft skin.

"I hesitated Vala. For a second. I hesitated," Sam admitted, dropping her eyes, unable to take the concern in Vala's anymore.

"Oh sweetheart,"Vala started, rising up and settling herself next to the blonde on the bed, "There are things that all of us could have done, and maybe this wouldn't have happened." Sam shook her head but Vala continued speaking. "But maybe it would still have happened, maybe not today, but its a possibility Sam, for all of us. Every time we go through the 'gate we know the risks we're taking." Vala explained softly even though she knew Sam already knew that. "Daniel knew the risks." she added quietly.

Sam didn't look up as a tear slid down her cheek and splashed onto her thigh. Somewhere deep down, she knew that Vala was right, they risked their lives everyday. It didn't really ease the guilt she felt though. She could still feel the warm blood on her hands, the coppery smell of fresh blood still stung her nose. And Vala was sitting beside her, composed and calm and offering reassurances that Sam wasn't sure she deserved.

_Since when did everything get so fucked up?_

Sam let out a sigh, "How do you it?" she asked quietly.

"Hmm?" Vala replied, she wasn't quite sure of what Sam meant.

"Right now, you're here and you're together. And I'm falling apart," Sam noted, still keeping her head down. Vala and Daniel had always had a strange but definitely strong relationship. Sam couldn't understand how she was coping so well.

"Daniel and I- we were close," Vala started, as if she'd read Sam's thoughts, "and I've been locked in my quarters for the past 9 hours crying my eyes out and yelling at the walls."

Sam turned her head at Vala's confession, and noticed her eyes were puffy and ringed with red. She'd been so wrapped up in her own feelings that she hadn't realised before.

"But he was your _best friend _Sam," Vala said, and Sam struggled to bite back a sob, "It's a terrible, terrible loss for you, and I'm together right now, because I want to be here for you," Vala admitted, placing her hand gently on Sam's cheek and brushing away a stray tear, "Because I know that you will just keep pushing people away and blaming yourself and I am _not_ letting you do that."

Sam screwed her eyes shut as Vala's kind words threatened to make all of her unshed tears fall.

"When Quetesh was removed, I did exactly that, I pushed people away, blamed myself," Vala revealed, her voice faltering slightly as she revealed details about herself she had long kept hidden, "I didn't have anyone to tell me that it wasn't my fault, and I will not let you become the lonely, depressed, self-loathing person that I was."

Sam brought up her hand and covered Vala's, silent tears spilling out of her closed eyes and rolling down her cheeks.

"You are too special for that Samantha," Vala whispered, feeling the sting of tears in her own eyes. Sam tried to fight back even more of her own tears, she couldn't remember the last time someone had spoken to her like that and meant it.

"I wont let you lose yourself," Vala promised, sliding her free arm around Sam's waist and pulling the blonde closer until she was wrapped tightly in the brunettes arms. A few tears fell from Vala's eyes and were lost in Sam's hair as the blonde cried silently in her arms, the only indicator being the gentle shake of Sam's shoulders.

It took a while for the crying to stop, but Vala noticed that the blonde looked exhausted when she finally pulled back a little from the embrace.

"Get into bed," Vala told Sam softly as she patted the covers.

Sam complied and allowed Vala to pull the covers up over her. The brunette reached over and switched off the light, lingering near the doorway in case Sam didn't want her to stay. The blonde didn't say anything, but Vala took that as a yes. The brunette slid into the other side of the bed, pulling the covers up over herself like she had done for Sam.

"I miss him," Sam said tearfully, the fact that Daniel was actually gone cutting into her heart again, the pain was like nothing she had felt before.

"I know darling," Vala soothed, shifting on to her side and closer to the blonde, "I miss him too," she said, reaching out and finding Sam's hand under the covers.

"Will you hold me?" Sam asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Vala said nothing, knowing how much it must have taken Sam to ask. She gave Sam's hand a gentle tug and slid her arm under the blondes body and pulled her closer. Sam settled her head on Vala's chest and she found the beating of the brunettes heart comforting.

"Thank you," Sam said, wrapping her arm around Vala's waist.

"Anytime Samantha," Vala replied, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, "Sleep now," she told the blonde, sadly realising that tomorrow was going to be just as hard. She held Sam a little tighter and closed her eyes, hoping to get some sleep herself.

**FIN

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_A/N: Thank you for taking the time to read this, reviews are much appreciated :]_


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